Monday, November 28, 2005

" I Hate My Phony Smile!! "

I'm cold, I'm ugly,
I'm always confused by everything,
I can stare into a thousand eyes,
But every smile hides a bold face lie...

- Slipknot ( Diluted )



It's cold when you are alone, it's cold when you feel this constant alienation. It's cold when you feel like no one is there for you, to comfort you, to share your innermost fuck up feelings and to talk about your screwed up self!
Emotional ugliness that's what I've beeen feeling for a long, long time. And it hurts more than anything else to feel what you don't want to feel and to be what you don't want to be. And now just recently, I feel ugly physically and that really sucks! There's just too much ugliness in my fuck up life!
I'm confused at everything that's been going on, I don't know what to do and what to think. Nothing makes sense anymore, my life does not make sense, it's meaningless! You try to hide the pain, you try not to cry everyday. You cry in the dark, alone and hurting.
For a brief moment you are happy, for a fleeting time you find bliss, but you know they won't last. Often you pretend to laugh, you put up your fake smile although you are hurting inside, it's bullshit! I don't want a happiness that is just momentary, I hate all this pretentions! I just hate this phony smile on my face!!!

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